Sorry, Hyrule Historia, but if this is confirming, I need to look up some definitions.

I'M LATE BUT I DON'T CARE.

I need to write a post about HH. I got it forever ago (okay, not THAT long ago... like, February first...) but I really, really, really have to talk about it. Or rant about it. I dunno. Both. Well, not talking, I suppose, but writing...

(Random person in the crowd: "JUST GET ON WITH IT, SIERRA!")

So, yes, if my UPS tracking e-mail is to be believed, I received Hyrule Historia on February 1st. I could probably find out for sure if I wasn't so lazy, but... I am so lazy. So we'll go with February 1st.

I was soooooo excited to get it. You have no idea how happy I was to get this book. It's the freaking Zelda BIBLE for goodness's sake. Why wouldn't I want it? Why wouldn't any Zelda fan want it? (I have proof that people like it, too – number one bestselling book on Amazon! Woo! And I didn't even buy it from Amazon!) I, unfortunately, did not get the limited edition version. I had a dress rehearsal for my theatre performance the night it was announced and the actual performance the day after, and when I got home the next day, I checked every website that stocked it, and they were ALL out. Every. Single. One. Uggggggh. And then you see jerks that bought thirty copies or something just to sell for ridiculous amounts. How frustrating!

Regardless, I still enjoy my perfectly normal copy for HH very much. It smells like a new book. Who doesn't love that?

When I first started reading it, I actually made this stupid promise to myself that I'd read it from start to finish, without skipping any pages. It took me... three days to finish, I think. Something like that. And this gave me a lot of time to really think about things in the book.

Now, in this post, I'm going to specifically talk about one topic: "confirmed theories". It's going to e a bit of a rant. Don't get me wrong: I LOVE the book. Love love love love love love love love it. ...However, it's not at ALL what I was expecting.

You see, back when this was just released in Japan, we had these INSANE rumors going around about everything that was confirmed in HH. "OMG, the Ocarina of Time's made out of Timeshift Stones! Whoa, the Hero's Shade actually IS OoT Link! Hey, Sheik's harp is the same as the Goddess's Harp! WHAT? TIMELINE REVEAL! ALL OUR QUESTIONS ARE ANSWERED! Can you believe this stuff?"

...and then I actually GOT the book, and I learned that things are a LIIIIIITTLE different.

First off, let's talk about all those "confirmed" theories. Turns out, they're not actually confirmed at all.

They NEVER state anything definitely. NEVER. Unless it's already in the game. It's. So. Darn. ANNOYING.

For example: that whole, the Ocarina was made out of Timeshift stones thing? Well, this is what HH says about it: "With this talk of controlling time, one can't help but think of Ocarina of Time. The ocarina is the same color as the Timeshift Stones. Could they be made of the same material?"

...Well, I don't know, book! How about you TELL US?!

They bring it up again later, too, in the OoT section of the timeline. "Its blue-white radiance brings to mind the Timeshift Stones found in the eras of antiquity." Well, that's fabulous. But does it mean anything? Apparently not, because you won't TELL US ANYTHING.

And they do this a lot. With the Goddess's Harp thing? "The harp in Skyward Sword looks a lot like Sheik's harp in Ocarina of Time. Could it be the same one...?"

STOP ASKING ME STUFF. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO KNOW THIS, DANGIT.

Worse, it does this with things that are already flat out CONFIRMED. When talking about ???, Zelda's friendly hand in the toilet dude, they say it "may have its roots in traditional ghost stories."

Now, allow me to direct you to a quote by Miyamoto himself. The interviewer here asks him to explain what the hand in the toilet is. He responds, "It's actually something from a Japanese ghost story. Not a specific ghost story. There are some ghost stories in Japan where — when you are sitting in the bathroom in the traditional style of the Japanese toilet — a hand is actually starting to grab you from beneath. It's a very scary story."

The book itself doesn't even want to confirm confirmed stuff. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS STUPID THING.

However, with all of this, the one I was most disappointed about not being confirmed was the Hero's Shade one. That is my favorite Zelda theory of all time, ever. I love the idea that a past Link interacts with his descendant. But this is all HH says: "Some theorize that the fact that he holds his sword in his left hand indicates he is actually Link from Ocarina of Time." Well, I already knew that, Hyrule Historia. But thanks for reminding me that it's only a theory. :(

The only "theories" that I saw confirmed all related to Rauru. These were the ones saying that he was the first sage and that he built the Temple of Time, and he takes on the form of Kaepora Gaebora outside of the Sacred Realm. But even then, there's some fun uncertainty. It's only "THOUGHT" that the Temple of Time was built over the ruins of the Sealed Temple. He built it, yeah, but, hey, maybe he built it somewhere else, guys! Who knows! HH sure doesn't!

...yeah, sorry about this ranting.

Let's get one thing straight, though. I really, really love this book. It's so incredible. Despite pretty much telling us everything we already know, it still tells it like some sort of story, and it's extremely interesting to read. And the formerly unreleased artwork is enough to want to get this. Some of the early designs of characters are fascinating. For example: Byrne once had red hair and a polkadot outfit.

I need to upload some pictures to here for my next post. XD

I'll leave my discussion of HH with the failed theory confirmations, though. Oh! And one other thing: this silly little medallion mix-up! Because I'm too lazy to explain it, I'll let Linkfan do it for me at his post! He has an awesome new Zelda blog called Triforce Talk so you should all go look at it. ^^ Basically, they mixed up the Fire and Spirit Medallions, hahaha. I didn't even notice it my first time through. I blame being totally livid on how they refused to confirm any of the fun theories. XD

Well... I think I need to make another HH post soon, talking about some of the more POSITIVE points of the book. And the artwork. This book is so amazing. I just wanted to rant about the annoying lack of confirmation. :P Of course, I'll probably never get around to writing another post, but whatever.

Have a good evening, everyone! (And, hey, guess what? TODAY ISN'T THE LAST DAY OF FEBRUARY. HAHAHAHA.)